I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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