so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
