he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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