GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
