I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
