How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize