you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
