I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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