Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
