are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
