My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
