My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
