I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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