I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
