i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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