Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
