So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize