i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
