We won't sleep together?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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