batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
