I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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