i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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