Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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