Just fell off a train. Bad.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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