lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
