I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
