Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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