I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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