PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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