hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
