I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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