I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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