How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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