D3 body, D1 cock
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
