That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
