He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
