Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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