I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
