thus making me awesome and them whores
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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