I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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