Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
