why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My balls are so social today.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
