there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Randomize
