Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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