I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
