The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
