Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
