We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
