The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
