Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
