I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
