I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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