the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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