I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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