feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
