The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
