pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
