i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
