Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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