the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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