why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
