Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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