Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
