It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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