she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
