yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
