What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
