Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize