My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
