i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize