yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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